Let’s discuss Energetic Emotional Entanglements and how they impact our emotional decision making in intimate relationships. In systemic family constellations work we say, “family systems marry family systems.” We seek out our deep energetic emotional and spiritual healing through intimate relationships. This is true whether you are married officially through a religious, civil, or cultural marriage ceremony or whether you are not officially married but energetically feel you are, living common-law, and/or you just moved in together. I also recognize that many “energetically married” couples do not live together in the same home or even in the same town, city, or country.
Energetic Emotional Attraction
We are unconsciously attracted to another individual as a means of healing self and of finding healing for our family system. Look to your dating patterns and relationship behaviours to help understand what is seeking to be emotionally healed. When we connect to another individual in a significant way we create an energetic entanglement with that individual. This connection may or may not be sexual in nature. To engage in a sexual relationship with another individual may create an energetic emotional entanglement regardless of whether the relationship was a one-night stand or a longer intimate etmotional relationship that didn’t remain together.
Healing Through Relationships
Deep down unconsciously and energetically you will know if an intimate relationship will be a means to your own healing or that of your family system or not. We are attempting to shift your behaviours from being unconscious to conscious. Many relationships just reflect your own wounds back to you so you’ll recognize the need for healing. Some relationships reflect a complimentary wound that will help with healing. Many relationships hold a safe space for healing to occur.
Bert Hellinger says if you can get 40% from your partner you are doing well. Your intimate relationship partner isn’t meant to fulfil all of your needs or be the catalyst for all of your healing. What you don’t find in your intimate relationship you are meant to go search for yourself through work with therapists, counsellors, alternative healing practitioners, other non-intimate relationships, or other learning opportunities.
Energetic Intimate Relationships
We become part of the family system of each energetic emotional intimate relationship partner and they become part of ours. Of course, not every one-night stand creates an energetic entanglement, but be aware that it might. How you treat each partner upon ending the relationship is really the key. It’s in your best interests, and those of your family system, if the relationship separation is completed with respect for the other individual’s journey in life. It’s your way of accepting them just the way they were and taking responsibility for your own healing. If there is blame and judgement going on at the end of a relationship then you have some healing work to do to connect with your authentic self within.
It’s in your best interests if you part ways from an intimate emotional relationship and take the time to recognize what you learned from that relationship and understand what you may have energetically and emotionally shared with the other individual. Recognize that your first big love back in high school that still holds some deep underlying yearning or sentiment within you may be impacting your way of being in relationship today. I have mentioned often enough in other posts that your relationship with mother is your template or blueprint for all your relationships in life, so keep that piece of healing work in mind.
Relationship Questions to Ponder
Did the relationship separate amicably with respect or with animosity?
Did the other person end the relationship or did you?
Did the former partner struggle emotionally or energetically when the relationship broke up?
Did the former partner go on to have a successful life?
Did the ending of the relationship bring suffering to you in any way?
Do you still hold the relationship deep in your heart?
Do you still have a sense of “what if or if only” about the relationship?
Were there any children as a result of the relationship (birth, abortion, miscarriage, adoption, stillborn, given up to foster care, or given away otherwise)?
Did you treat the other parent of the child respectfully in the break up?
Did you force your child to energetically take sides in the separation?
Did you use your child to manipulate your former partner?
Healing Work For Self and Others
If you are struggling in life in some way or you have a child or other family member that is, consider who is seeking to be welcomed back into your family system by speaking well of them and having compassion for their journey?
Who might need to share in this honouring with you? Does a child need to hear great things about the other parent and why you fell in love with them in the first place? Does the child need to hear the many wonderful ways that they remind you of the former intimate emotional relationship partner? If you want your child to be well and to accept themselves wholly, there has to be an open path to loving both parents and taking both parents into their heart fully.
This doesn’t mean you physically need to bring the former partner back into the family system, although it can do amazing things for your children if you do. I’m suggesting you do what is necessary to energetically complete the relationship in a healthy way. Many children of separations and divorces take on the heavy energy of their parents’ separation if they are forced to choose between parents or to take sides. They reject in themselves what they are forced to reject in life. Many even become physically, emotionally, relationally, or psychologically sick within a short time of their parents’ breakup. It’s up to the parent to do this healing work for their child so if the shoe fits take responsibility.
Steps to Sever the Entanglement
Having contemplated the above questions you may have a strong sense of whether an Energetic Emotional Entanglement with a former intimate emotional relationship partner may still be holding you back in life. It’s up to you to do what is necessary to complete any unfinished business. If you feel you don’t have the capacity to do this healing work alone, you might want to consult a Body-Focused therapist, Language of the Body therapist, or Systemic Family Constellation Facilitator to help you with this healing process. Also see my past posts on Ritual to supplement this healing work.
https://www.peacefulpossibilities.ca/ritual-part-1family-constellations-calgary/
https://www.peacefulpossibilities.ca/ritual-part-2family-constellations-calgary/
When The Writings On the Wall
Some friendships or intimate relationships are meant to last a short time and sometimes they last a lifetime. There is no right or wrong on the length of time a relationship lasts. If you find yourself repeating certain patterns in relationships or friendships then be aware of what type of individual you are attracting to yourself and then look into ways to find healing for whatever is being highlighted by the patterns. Do you get involved with individuals who can’t commit? Do you get involved with drama kings/queens? Do you get involved with others who are emotionally distant? Do you attract individuals who have addictive behaviours? Do you attract individuals who are constantly in debt? Figure out those life patterns.
Healthy Relationship Patterns
Intimate emotional relationship issues aren’t about the other person, they’re about you and your unresolved emotional issues and trauma. As I’ve said before, you can’t change others, you can only change yourself. So if you attract a particular type of individual – ask yourself why? Do I have an inner emotional wound or trauma that is reflected in these relationships?
Remember these wounds can belong to other individuals in your family system. If you find yourself in one of these repetitive cycles of stuckness – step out of the pattern and sort out what lies beneath the energy of that pattern. What is maintaining that pattern? This might take some work with someone who interprets the messages of the body, family system, and requires healing at a deep body-felt unconscious level.
After that, whether an intimate emotional relationship or friendship survives is not within your control. If one partner is not committed then you cannot do anything about that. So learn all you can from a relationship and be willing to let go if it is no longer serving your highest good. Also be grateful for all the joys and challenges you shared with that individual because it all advanced your spiritual development and growth.
if i am having pattern that i attract friend who is talkative joyfully but having love for all. n iam possessive for them. what is emotinal wound.
Hello Manju, Thank you for your comments. Whenever you see repeating patterns in your life that don’t serve your highest good, you may be entangled with an emotional wound or trauma in the greater family system. To have feelings of jealousy or to be possessive of another person can be the pattern of a parent or a grandparent that did not get emotionally expressed and processed. These feelings may belong back in a previous generation. Look back to your parents and their siblings (if they had any) and how they got along with each other or in their relationships with others. Is there a pattern of possessiveness in relationships? It is important to work through this possessiveness which sits in the cells of your body. Sit with this feeling and breathe through the discomfort of this feeling. Figure out where you hold this possessiveness in your body. I encourage deep body focused systemic constellations as ritual to pass these burdens carried transgenerationally for your family system back to where it belongs in the family system, honouring their journey with compassion, letting it go, releasing yourself from the entanglement.