When a twin dies many of the energetic dynamics are similar to losing any sibling to death or otherwise. Each family member is traumatized in a different way. You may consciously or unconsciously remember this sibling. Your body may feel this loss in some way as an emptiness, you may sense something is missing in your life, you may continually be searching for something that you can’t quite name, you may fear losing everything, you may struggle in relationships, or you may be drawn to the dead.
Birth Order Confusion
“I’m out of balance.” When a twin dies, the surviving twin and/or any other siblings may be continually at odds energetically with one another. Sometimes families forget to include all of their children. One of their siblings may be missing or unaccounted for, such as a twin that dies, or a miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth, or a child that dies young due to illness or accident. A child may have been given up for adoption. As well, there is the possibility that a past generation may be missing a sibling or they may be reflecting some emotional trauma that occurred in a prior generation. Birth order is important in a family system, so if you are the surviving twin, do you know your true birth order? If your twin came to birth, were you the first or second twin to leave the womb? Did you lose your older sibling or your younger sibling? Are you the first child, second child, or fifth child? Birth order significantly impacts the energy flow of a child’s life. We stand strong in life when we live our true energetic birth order. Remember that the energy of give and take in sibling relationships flows down the birth order from oldest to youngest and not in the reverse order. Be certain that all the children are remembered and welcomed into the family.
The Body Remembers When a Twin Dies
Alternatively, you may have a symptom, condition, or illness that is your way of remembering the loved one. The deceased sibling may be showing up to support you in life as a symptom or condition to get you to address your grief that went unexpressed as a child. Listen to the language of your body. What is the message of the cancer, the tumour, the chronic fatigue, the depression, the anxiety, the perfectionism, the procrastination or the immune system condition?
Regardless of how you express the grief when a sibling or a twin dies, it is important to separate yourself from that energetic entanglement for your own wellbeing. It was their fate. It was not your fate. It is your fate to live life fully. You honour and show love to your deceased sibling when you thrive in life. The twin that died only wants the best for you. The surviving twin holds their deceased twin back energetically and spiritually when they have the knowledge to release these energetic entanglements, yet cling to them and refuse to live life fully.
Twins in Constellations
I have seen the energetic dynamic when a twin dies show up in a number of family constellations. Sometimes they have been revealed for a miscarried pregnancy and other times an abortion. Alternatively, the family of origin is set up and there seems to be something or someone missing. The client doesn’t feel comfortable in their own skin while standing in the current energy dynamic. Frequently, the twins in a constellation reveal themselves by snuggling up to one another, spooning as they say, in the fetal position with their arms wrapped around one another. When a sibling or a twin dies, they just want to be remembered, acknowledged, and welcomed by the family system. Everyone has a right to belong in the family system. In constellations, these representations may relate to the current generation, an ancestral event, or a lingering past life essence that still wants to be energetically addressed.
Drawn to the Dead
Whether you experienced a twin die, you suspect you may have been a twin, or you otherwise feel “drawn to the dead,” some of the energetic dynamics that you may feel or experience in the field of your family system include the following:
- You may feel depression or carry suicidal feelings in life;
- You may carry an overwhelming sense of sadness for no apparent reason;
- You may have symptoms, illness, or other conditions similar to the family system member who died or that point to the one that died, and these may or may not threaten your life;
- You may have tried to die, or to be born early, during gestation;
- You may have a sense of something or someone missing in your life;
- You may have had an older sibling die by miscarriage, abortion, or stillbirth;
- You may have had an older sibling given up for adoption or given away to be raised by someone else in the family system;
- You may feel disconnected or distant from others;
- You may have eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia, struggling to accept nourishment;
- You may find it difficult to be present as a parent physically, emotionally, psychologically or spiritually;
- You may be named after someone who died too soon, by suicide or otherwise tragically;
- You may have had a parent die too soon;
- You may share life event dates, anniversaries, or ages with someone who died too soon or the one who didn’t openly mourn;
- You may have family members who died in a war;
- You may have family members who carry survivor guilt from war, accidents, or other life tragedies;
- You may have parents, family members or ancestors who were responsible for the suffering or death of others and you may be aligned energetically with those who suffered or died;
- You may have parents, family members or ancestors who intentionally or unintentionally harmed or killed another person and you may be aligned energetically with the victim or the perpetrator;
- You may continually lack success in following your life path;
- You may continually lack success in relationships; or
- You may be impacted by any other circumstance that holds someone energetically to the dead.
What’s next?
With all systemic healing work, the question is, what do I need to do to move forward in a healthy way? First you look back long enough to gain the insight. The insight alone may initiate systemic healing or point you to your healing path, however, it doesn’t always bring healing. It may be the catalyst to start a soul energy movement. The insight combined with intentional action steps will initiate healing. You need to get out of your head. Moving forward requires a shift in the inner image you carry of yourself and others. Since it is your body that remembers the twin, some deeply felt body-focused emotional healing work is beneficial .
