How do former intimate partners fit into your family system? Have you amicably separated from your former intimate partner(s) or have you left in an explosion of fireworks with revenge on your mind? The use of the term “ex” is a misnomer. The former intimate partner belongs or remains in your energetic family system forever. Each former partner has a meaningful energetic place in your family system regardless of what they may have done or not done. The greater the emotional significance a partner had in your life (joyful or challenging), the greater likelihood that they continue to impact your current life, your future relationships, or the lives of your children and/or grandchildren.
If you denigrate, belittle, disparage, degrade, malign, defame, bash, or put down your former intimate partner(s) be assured that someone in the family system will pay a price. You or your partner may have walked out the door of your relationship physically for good, however, that is NOT the end of your relationship energetically. Your animosity has created an unresolved emotional energetic entanglement with your intimate partner.
When You Exclude Others
For anyone how thinks “bashing their ex” is just fine and great daily entertainment, you might want to re-think those thoughts and actions. Putting your former intimate partner down serves to exclude them energetically from your family system. Anyone shunned, missing, lost, forgotten, caste out, or excluded from your family system creates an emotional trauma or wound, leaving a missing piece in the puzzle. Your family system will work energetically in some very unusual and strange ways to address this open wound. This act of exclusion can have a highly detrimental energetic impact on your family and descendants physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, financially, mentally, or psychologically.
Emotional Transference
The greater energetic family system within which you live will not tolerate the arrogance and disrespect of exclusion. The family system will strive to let you know that something in the balance of the family system is amiss and it will get your attention any way it can.
This may include energetic emotional transference that seems amoral by human moral standards. An innocent child or other sensitive member of the family system may carry this exclusion. This individual may unconsciously energetically sacrifice him or herself to raise awareness about this wound that wants to be healed. They energetically align themselves with the rejected former intimate partner, family member, or rejected parent. They may take on issues or symptoms that draw attention to the one that is excluded.
Difficult New Relationships
Current and future partners may energetically align with your former partner(s) and feel they will suffer the same fate and treatment as the former partner. Your second, third, or tenth relationship may be starting to flounder for no apparent obvious reason. Your behaviour toward your former intimate partner may be impacting your current relationship. You have to remember that your relationship with your former intimate partner likely started out loving and exciting in the same way that your current relationship did. So what is going on energetically? When your new intimate partner hears you “bashing your ex,” he or she may unconsciously feel or understand that they will be receiving the same treatment sometime down the road. They will have a difficult time getting close to you. In other words, if you don’t respect your former partner, the current partner feels that lack of respect energetically too. The current partner won’t want to get too emotionally close because the future doesn’t feel all that rosy.
Parents and Grandparents
This same dynamic relates to the former intimate partners of mom, dad, and/or each of your grandparents. Someone may have had a first love or earlier love who was excluded by the family system a generation or two back. Some former partner may have been disrespected in some way, suffered or struggled to carry on after the relationship ended, became a life-long yearning, or the love was unrequited. For example, a parent or grandparent’s first love may have gone to war and died while away. The energy of that emotional trauma can flow down through the family system if it is left unresolved. These former relationships may or may not have been sexually consummated to be significant and impacting your life today.
Understanding the Relationship Dynamic
Not all intimate relationships are meant to last forever. The relationship may not have survived long-term but you, your parents, or your grandparents chose the intimate partner energetically for a reason. Family systems unconsciously marry other family systems. This relates to marriage or any intimate live-together situation. That partner may have mirrored the same energetic family wounds and emotional trauma back to you so that you would recognize it and do your own healing work. That partner may have been there to provide a safe place for you to do your healing work. It was your choice whether you were ready to do your healing work or whether you wanted to go through another similar repetitive round of drama and trauma.
Resolution
How do you release yourself from the energetic entanglement you have created with your former intimate partner? The answer is really quite simple. Welcome your former intimate partner back into your family system. Yikes!! No way!!!
Yes way! This may or may not be a physical action in the material world but it needs to be felt within your body, heart, and soul. Take the time to remember the characteristics that you loved about your former intimate partner in the first place. What made you fall in love with that person in particular over any other person?
Openly honouring the relationship you had with your former intimate partner is the way to heal the wound. Take the time to sort out what lessons you learned from one another. Perhaps the relationship separation occurred to make you aware of a lesson you are failing to learn for your spiritual development and growth. Every individual has a set of gifts and talents that unconsciously attracts us to them or not. Remember the love you shared early in the relationship and respect the traits of your former intimate partner that drew you to them in the first place. Dwelling on the behaviours that caused you irritation is counter-productive for family healing. Through these explorations you will develop compassion for yourself, your former partner, and change the narrative you have built up around the relationship. This reopens the blocked flow of love and energy in the family system.
Next Blog Post
Antagonistic separation from a former intimate partner has a huge impact on children of the relationship. It may also epigenetically impact any future children or descendants you may have. If you’re interested in learning more about the energetic and emotional systemic family impact of separation and divorce on children and their wellbeing, please read my next blog post.
